Salad Sandwich

I know what you're thinking: "Salad? On a sandwich?! Well, I guess I can die because now I've seen everything."

This was the La Brea Bakery baguette Danger gave me, and if you know anything about La Brea Bakery baguettes, it's that they cost $7 and go bad in like an hour. So I had to use it fast, but I didn't have any sandwich fixings.

So imagine this: You make a salad. Romaine, spinach, "spring mix", feta, roasted red onions, and broccoli. Then you put that ON A BAGUETTE, which you've toasted in the broiler with a little olive oil.

This is what the Earl of Sandwich's bitch wife probably ate all the time.

Just for Fun

I'm in love?

No Time to F Around

Guys, I've eaten a lot of sandwiches since the last time we spoke. Here's a list of some of them:

• Roast turkey with bacon, lettuce, tomato, and chipotle mayo on 5 grain (Pretty good.)
• Roast turkey with bacon, lettuce, tomato, avocado, and chipotle mayo on 7 grain (Pretty good +.)
• Grilled mozzarella, tomato and pesto on country white. (This is basically an olive oil and cheese sandwich. Slam dunk.)
• Ham, Swiss, and wild mushrooms pressed panini. (Boom. Good.)
• Cheddar, red onion, tomato, and sprouts on 7 grain. (Like all veggie sandwiches of this ilk, this guy is called "The Malibu." Score, but minus five points cause I forgot I hate sprouts.)
• Sauteed broccoli rabe, mozzarella, and sundried tomatoes on some sort of giant loaf of sesame bread. (This was fine.)
• Cracked pepper turkey, fontina, pesto, and sundried tomatoes. (On a scale of one to ten, this one gets a touchdown.)
• Tuna, lettuce and tomato on 7 grain. (The tuna had capers and carrots in it. Check plus.)
  
• Italian tuna with olives, roasted red peppers, and lettuce on a baguette. (This is made with whole chunks of tuna packed in olive oil. Italian tuna, I am fucking giving you five stars.)

I've lost track of the rest.

Danger Sandwich

The other day Danger invited me over to eat some of the "free" baguette he got from La Brea Bakery. (Yes, I'm thinking what you're thinking -- he stole it.)

He made this sandwich for me, with spinach, cherry tomatoes, and sundried tomato spread. When I saw him make it, I thought the sundried tomato spread was strawberry jelly. This seemed gross to me, but Danger is a refined gentleman, and I assumed this is how they do things at the fancy sandwich clubs he frequents. Not wanting to seem provincial, I was was all in for that crazy jelly and spinach sandwich, but was pleased to discover it was actually a good thing, and not a gross thing. Danger later lamented forgetting to put apple slices on the sandwich, but we've been over this.

This sandwich gesture ensures that Danger and I will remain, for at least one more day, at a cautious stalemate.

"Paillard"

I ordered this sandwich, an Eggplant Paillard, from a restaurant called Victors Square, which apparently in the 90s was frequented by one half of hot Hollywood couple, Bradifer. HER NAME IS JENNIFER ANISTON MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF HER.

Anyway, "paillard" refers to a piece of meat pounded flat. The waiter quickly explained that this was not meat and no actual pounding took place in the case of this sandwich. Whatever, bro, nice paillard. As you can see it has green eggplant, red onions, avocado, and tomato, and was served on two big slices of white bread. There's no way Jenniston would have eaten that much white bread. SHE CAN'T EAT THAT MANY CARBS SHE HAS A HIT TELEVISION SHOW TO STAR IN YOU GUYS.

Also, apparently in French, "paillard" means "lewd" or "bawdy". I'll tell you what's lewd or bawdy! It's the way that praying mantis, Anjelolie loves eating BABIES PAILLARD *!



*unconfirmed.

Larchmont Wine & Cheese Sandwich

This is the tuna salad sandwich from neighborhood favorite, Larchmont Wine & Cheese shop. It comes with tuna, mixed greens, balsamic, tomato, and emmenthal cheese. (Seen here minus cheese.)

The awesome and retarded thing about the Larchmont Wine & Cheese tuna sandwich is that, of the 7 available sandwiches on the menu, they don't number this one because it is only available occasionally. You have to call ahead to check. I have not been able to conceive of any reason the ingredients in this sandwich would not be available to a sandwich shop every day of the week.

I also heard a story about someone going to Larchmont Wine & Cheese, and the people there said they couldn't make any sandwiches that day because they were out of bread. I like you, Larchmont Wine & Cheese, but sometimes you are an asshole.

This is a pretty good sandwich.

*UPDATE